You are your own invention. So who are you?
Did you know that the life you’ve built around you is a mirror of how you feel inside, what you imagined for your life and what you think you deserve?
Phrases like ‘you get what you expect’ and ‘your vibe attracts your tribe’ and ‘like attracts like’ are so true. It’s the law of attraction and it’s at work every single day to bring people, opportunities and things towards you that match the way you think and behave.
you are what you think;
your life is a sum of the actions you take; and,
you get what you expect.
The trouble is, we don’t always like to hear this do we; that we’re in control of our destinies? Not when life isn’t going to plan. Believing these statements to be true means, well, we have the power to change things and we don’t always want that power: we’d rather complain. Just sometimes. Right?
But why is that?
Why do we complain instead of change?
Well, it’s probably for one of the following reasons. Which one resonates with you?
- The pain of change is greater than the pain of staying how you are. Put simply, the incentive to change just isn’t worth the pain you’d have to go through to get there! That means there must be a benefit to staying as you are. What is that benefit?
- You don’t believe it’s possible so why bother. You’ve either tried before and it didn’t work, someone close to you doesn’t believe in you or you have no role model that proves this kind of change is possible. What makes you think it’s not possible?
- You don’t think you deserve it. You think you should be grateful for what you have. You’ve already come so far compared to what your friends or family had. Why don’t you deserve it?
- You’ve been this way for so long it would be too hard to change now. And in fact your whole life, social circles and infrastructures is built up around your current situation. Changing would mean changing habits, environments, networks, habits. It would be too destructive. What would it destroy?
You probably all know the story by now. I’ve changed every single aspect of my life in the last 18 months and every single change can be attributed to challenging one of those statements above.
For example, I wanted to make a living selling online courses so I could reach and help even more people and have the freedom to travel. I didn’t think it was possible, not for me. Even thought I’d built two six figure businesses already and one of them was a marketing agency! I just doubted my content would be good enough, that people would become customers and that it would work! It was just too far away from any business model I knew and had experienced. But I wanted it and so I started looking.
A friend recommended Melyssa Griffin to me – an American woman who generates hundreds of thousands of dollars a month selling online courses. Then a Facebook ad introduced me to a book coach and then Shaa Wasmund. If they were doing it successfully – making money online – couldn’t I? It was as simple as that. The belief that it wasn’t possible was weakened enough for me to try. And the rest is history! Cohort 3 is about to launch and I’ll be living in LA over March and April and then Ibiza at the end of the year, making a living online!
How to change your life:
Change is possible. For you, me, anyone. All you have to do is change what you think, raise your expectations and change what you do every day. Right? Well mostly. There is one more piece to the puzzle and it’s this: to truly bring lasting change in our lives we have to uncover what drives us, what we truly want and most importantly what our blueprint is allowing.
Let me take each one in turn.
Uncover what drives you:
I am biiigg on uncovering your purpose because I spent so long trying to find happiness in other people’s definition of success. To me success five years ago meant running my own business, becoming a millionaire, flashy cars and offices. I ‘bought’ this from the movies. That’s what success was to me. But when I started achieving that kind of success (okay I never made it to £1m but I did have two six figure businesses by the time I was 28) I was even more unhappy than before I’d begun that great adventure.
One day, I stopped. Stooped and crying on the bathroom floor I asked: “There must be more to life than this?”. And there is. It’s living a life of purpose; building a life where you earn a living doing what you absolutely love; doing what you’re on this planet to do. I speak a lot about this so if you want to hear more about this, watch this video on how to uncover your purpose.
Decide what you truly want:
Do you know what you want from your life? Really? I mean if you went to bed tonight and whilst you were sleeping a miracle happened so that when you woke up your life was perfect! Everything you ever wanted in life you now had. Do you?
Don’t worry if not. We rarely stop to ask ourselves these questions because we’re too busy living but I’ll be really honest with you: whatever you intend for your life you will get.
This means if you intend to get by month on month, just paying the bills, that will be your life. If you intend to make a living online so you can live in Ibiza this is what you’ll get. It will happen. What you intend, you make happen.
So, what do you want for your life? If you went to bed tonight and that miracle happened what would have changed? How would you feel? What would you have? Who would you be?
Understand your blueprint
We all have a blueprint for how we think life should be. You can tell me you want to change your life but if your internal map won’t allow it then you won’t change. You’ll always find a way to return to your normal, what’s safe.
To really change your life, you need to understand what values you’re driven by and make a change at that almost subconscious level. For example, I became a vegetarian in January 2016. Before then, I valued the taste (and convenience of meat) more than I valued the life and freedom of those animals. Then, one day, I saw a video of a cow being freed from a terrible life of incarceration and the cow was so happy, leaping about in the hay and stretching its legs. My heart broke, my value around meat and animals changed immediately and I became a vegetarian.
So how do you uncover your blueprint?
One way is to look for patterns of behaviour that you’re repeating and try to understand where those patterns come from. How would you describe yourself? Why do you think, act or behave in those ways?
If your parents showed you love and affection when you were quiet as a child, for example, then you might have subconsciously decided as an adult that you’ll get love and affection by being quiet. But is this true today?
If you took a chance on something a few years ago and you got hurt, you might have subconsciously decided that taking a risk in life is too painful. But is this true today?
If you grew up in a stressful environment created by debt, you might have learnt that money is evil or limited or leads to fights. But is this true?
When you find a pattern like this, you can begin looking for ways to change it.
Another way is to practice affirmations – powerful, positive and empowering statements you say to yourself over and over until you believe them. Your affirmation should be a list of all the things you need, want and long to hear. The things that, if you believed them, you’d go on to make those changes and build your dream life.
You see, if you’ve looked in the mirror for most of your adult life and highlighted everything you hate about your body and said it over and over in your head then you’ll very likely believe it. What’s more, your subconscious brain will do everything it can to make it more and more true. Tell yourself you’re overweight and you’ll gain weight. Tell yourself you’re not worth it and you’ll act as if that were true.
We’ve all recorded memories of experiences and feelings that have created our blueprint for what is right and wrong. These blueprints are dictating what we think, what we expect and what we do. But it doesn’t mean the blueprints are right! What’s your blueprint? What values are guiding what you think, expect and do?
Give that a go. Answer some of the questions I’ve posed in this blog, write out a powerful new affirmation for yourself and start taking bold new actions today.
After all, you are your own invention. So who are you?
Looking for more?
On Saturday, I’ll be sharing an exercise to help you uncover who you are and what your blueprint is. Sign up to the mailing list to be alerted when it’s live.