How to live the life of your dreams

Have you ever wondered why you haven’t made it all happen for yourself yet and why others have? Do you know someone who is perpetually upbeat and optimistic, no matter what they’re going through? Have you ever felt like you’re trapped by the life you’re living in and can’t break free?

This is exactly how I felt 12 months ago. I looked at athletes, speakers, authors, talk show hosts and business owners and I wondered how they’d done it. How did they break through the ceiling to build their dream lives?

I’ve always been interested in this but in the last 12 months, I became obsessed with it. For the first time in my life I’ve stopped wondering, stopped asking, stopped comparing, stopped making excuses and I’ve gone for it. I’ve taken massive, life changing, earth shifting action and changed every aspect of my life.

I’ve gone from being broke, feeling overweight and sluggish, living at home with my parents (which is not cool when you’re 29 and pulling in quarter of a million in revenue by the way!), feeling completely trapped to making a living (a good one too!) from living out my passions as a writer, speaker and coach working all over the UK and living in my dream flat with my dream partner.

I’ve bloody done it!

I’ve figured it out: I know what it takes to live the life of my dreams and today, sitting in a coaching session with an amazing client it dawned on me: I’ve done it, I’ve bloody done it. I’ve change my life and I’m living my dreams and what’s more is that I now know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I have techniques, tools and strategies that can help other people – that can help you – do the same.

You can have, be, do, become anything you want in life. Want to know how? Here is what I know so far. In order to live your dream life, you need to do four things.

 

Uncover your purpose

 

It’s not enough to set out to make money anymore. You’ve got to figure out how to make a living from your purpose – your passion; that thing that sets your soul on fire; that thing you’re obsessed with and want to devote every waking moment to. If you haven’t found it yet, don’t stop – keep looking, keep pushing, keep exploring, keep asking why you’re here. You won’t find true fulfilment until you find a way to live out your passion. That’s not a threat – it’s a challenge, it’s an opportunity.

When I left University I had one aim: set up my own business and make a million pounds by 30. By 28, I was well on my way – I owned two businesses and was making 6 figures in both by year three. By 29, I’d done quarter of a million in revenue in one year. Things were going well – I was on track to hit my goals (albeit by 31 / 32) and then something happened to me: I woke up. I realised I was miserable. As Tony Robbins says “success without fulfilment is the greatest failure”. I could never feel fulfilled because I wasn’t living a life of meaning. I was chasing the money and not building a life around what I loved.

Like the Alchemist, I went in search of my purpose only to discover I’d known what is was all along – it was right under my nose and it’s right under your nose too. You’ve just got to know what questions to ask.

If you want to begin this journey, watch this recorded webinar I delivered live in July. In it I run through three exercises that will help you to uncover your purpose.

 

Convince yourself it’s possible by whatever means necessary

 

You’ve got to convince yourself it’s possible. That’s all. You don’t have to have the precise plan. You don’t need to know how you’ll do it. You don’t need to have the right skills, experience or resources in this moment. That’s not your concern right now. All you need to do is make this new world a possibility in your thinking every single day because when you do that you not only activate an incredible creative resource we’re all built with – resourcefulness – but you also take action towards that vision. If you don’t believe it’s possible, you won’t take the action needed, you’ll sort of skirt around the edges and pretend you’re doing it. Am I right?

So how do you do this? By asking the right questions.

In coaching sessions with clients and in my talks and through my blogs I manage to take people through a 180 turn: from believing it’s impossible and that they’re not worthy to leaving people feeling pumped and motivated with a very clear next step. I do this by asking powerful questions that activate creativity, resourcefulness and positive thinking. I don’t give anyone the answer. There’s no way I could advise 50, 100, 500 people at once. What I can do, however, is activate that incredibly powerful and naturally occurring facility in each of you – your resourcefulness.

If you want to see this in action, watch this video of the six most powerful questions you can ask yourself.

 

Build the right support network

 

Do you know how many of your immediately friends and family will believe in your dreams? None. Okay, if you’re really lucky, two in every ten will believe in you and support you but by the time you’re finished telling the first eight about it you’ll feel so deflated and defensive you might never find the ‘two’.

So why is this? Why won’t family and friends support you? They don’t know how to, that’s why. They didn’t get taught this in schools, or in work, or through sports – they got taught to compete, to challenge, to win and more than ever these days we all get taught to doubt, to be suspicious, to live in fear, right? Plus, if they don’t think it’s possible for themselves why on earth would they think it’s possible for you? They don’t. It’s not their fault – they don’t share your vision and so they wouldn’t even know how to support you if they did.

My point is this: you need to go looking for support in the right places. So where are they? In books, on You Tube channels, in autobiographies of people who have made it, at motivational events (DARETOGROW, of course), with coaches and through online courses. But better than all of those places is from yourself – you’ve got your back more than anyone on this planet.

If you want it, support yourself by reading the right stuff, by listening to the right stuff, by educating yourself on your topic, by staying away from negative people, by not listening to the news, by finding a coach, by joining mastermind groups, through affirmations, by setting SMART goals and by working towards your dream life every single day. There is no better encouragement than seeing a flicker of progress: “This could work, this could actually work!!” you start telling yourself and momentum builds.

If you’re in Manchester or Newcastle, join a DARETOGROW event. They’re free in September and the topic is: “It’s time to set a compelling vision for your life”.

 

Act, adapt, act, adapt, act, adapt until you make it

 

You’re gona get it wrong once or twice. Let me be the first person to tell you that. It’s very unlikely you’ll make it first time so it’s important to be realistic and expect to have to adjust your plans. If you want something, and you want it badly enough stop focusing on perfection and start focusing on action, lots of relentless unwavering action. If one approach doesn’t work, GOOD! I’m glad you’ve realised sooner rather than later. Try again. Pick another approach until you find the one that works.

When I was 20, I went to work in America as a door to door sales person. It was horrendous. Not a day went by that I didn’t want to quit but I couldn’t. For one, I couldn’t afford the flight home and for another I wanted to learn resolve. I wanted to make it, to break through. In those three months, I learnt that every ‘no’ brings us closer to a yes. If I knocked on 30 doors a day, I’d make three sales. It was that simple. Three sales for a full day’s work. Eugh. Hearing ‘no thanks’ 27 times? Not fun! Did I want to knock on those doors? No! Did I want to quit, yes?

Everyone else in my group that summer quit. I was the only one who finished the programme. My sales weren’t great, no, but I grew so much in those three months. I developed that gritty focus and resolve I have to this day. Was it perfect? Hell no! It was messy and ugly. I was an amateur. Now? I’m a pro. Just try and stop me.

You see, often the one thing that separates the people who make it from those who don’t is their focus and resolve – they want it and they don’t quit until they make it. They figure it out. They tap into their resolve. They find a way to support themselves. They keep learning new techniques and trying new approaches. This is what I’ve done.

So what do you want? What have you tried so far? Have you really exhausted every possible option? Seriously?

If you’ve lost your motivation refocus on your support network (see point above). If you’ve run out of money, get a job until you rebuild your stores and then go again. If you’re lost hope, ask yourself if you’d be happy in this same place in one, three or ten years…no? Then you’d better find another way hadn’t you!

You can do this. I have utter faith in our ability as humans to make our dream lives a reality. Success leaves clues – there are so many more strategies, stories, ideas and approaches you could try. So, get a pen and paper and ask yourself:

What do I want from my life?

What is standing in my way?

What ridiculous and creative ways could I get over, around or through that problem if my life depended on it (because your life does depend on it!)

What will I do now??

Go and do it.

I’ll see you on the other side.

Grrrrrr.

 

Want more support?

 

I’m busy building an online course to help other people do the same and I’m so excited to share it with you. I have the distinct ability to distil these principles into an actionable plan you can follow to dramatically change your life and it will be live soon.

If you want to find out more about this programme, sign up to my mailing list (see footer and sidebar) and I’ll email you as soon as it’s live!

Let’s do this folks!