New journal entry: boundaries, habits and standards
Something has changed in me this week. Not only can I feel it, but the way I’m thinking and the decisions I’m taking are testament to it.
What I’ve realised is this: the habits I’ve built until this day might have gotten me this far, but they will take me no further. My morning ritual, how I’ve managed my time and the way I’ve worked on my dreams have been fantastic in getting me this far, but that’s it. In order to make the next step and in order to stretch to the next level I need to develop new habits, practices and rituals.
Let me explain.
Over the last 6 months, I’ve achieved a huge amount. I’ve increased my personal confidence by losing half a stone, investing in a new skin care regime and revamping my wardrobe (yes, I love a denim shirt!). I’ve developed my competence by attending speaking courses, watching and analysing multiple TED talks and of course speaking every month at DARETOGROW; constantly testing new styles, content and approaches. I’ve also transitioned more and more into work that I love; winning new coaching and consultancy contracts in London, writing almost daily and encouraging former clients to try new suppliers when our approaches no longer match.
The new habits and rituals I have formed this year – speaking my mind, being true to who I am, booking in and planning DARETOGROW events, curbing my spending, networking weekly to win new work, writing almost daily and cutting out meat and dairy (well, I’d say I’m 85% vegan!) have yielded incredible results. I’ve achieved the goals I set out to achieve and so it’s now time to set new goals – I want to publish my first book in the next 12 months, I want to sell my first online course in September, I want to lose another half a stone and return to being size 10; fit and strong and healthy…the list continues. In order to make this work, I must first start by firming up my goals and then follow them with new actions which will in turn lead to new habits and rituals. All of this activity is raising my standards meaning I can never go back.
This week, Alice and I have travelled a lot and so we’ve had many exciting conversations. I started my week in London whilst Alice was in Newcastle. We reconvened in Manchester mid week (where we promptly booked in a date night of pizza and ice cream in town…you see this is where the 85% vegan rule applies) before heading to Sunderland on Friday for one of her incredible spa parties. Today, we woke up in Glasgow for an Arbonne car presentation to support her incredible new colleagues. Tonight? We’re back in Northallerton for a day and then on to London! It never stops…and so neither does our conversation.
Perhaps the most interesting topic we’ve discussed is this notion of ‘changing who you are’. When you set exciting new goals, nothing much changes. You might just feel excited and optimistic and in control. When you set out to make them a reality and start getting close – everything changes. This is because you don’t hit new goals by standing still, staying still, thinking the same thoughts and reacting in the same way to your feelings. No. You resist the urge to eat that cake. You spend an hour on a new activity. You say no to old habits to introduce new ones.
As the old dies out and the new becomes habitual, you change, you grow. What happens next is that you fall out of sync with the people you know and work with who don’t do this. If they do the same old thing day in and day out and you are constantly learning, growing and changing then you’re going to fall out of sync. You’ll be vibrating on different frequencies and it’s no longer congruent for you to continue that relationship. It’s damaging for both parties. This is where people get stuck. They either want to bring everyone they know with them, or they slow their pace so as not to get too far ahead.
This is a huge and challenging topic and it’s one I’m writing about for the upcoming DARETOGROW talk in September. I can’t wait. I feel this is going to be my best, most profound talk yet because my process of change has stepped up a gear. Once again, I am a new woman and that means I have new strategies, techniques and experiences I can share and I intend to. I want to keep pushing myself towards my goals and each time I achieve one I will share with you how I did it.
Setting and achieving new goals is a painful but rewarding experience. When I set out to change my life last year, what I didn’t realise at first is that our lives don’t change until we change. Once you get your head around this notion, you’ll be able to see with new clarity what you must do to hit those goals and change your life forever. Get ready. Prepare yourself to have that conversation, to say goodbye, to say hello, to try new things and to feel bloody uncomfortable as you leap off one ledge and outstretch your arms for the next ledge.
What I’m reading:
This week I’ve been reading Ryan Holiday’s “The Obstacle is the Way” and I’ve thoroughly enjoyed it. It’s the idea that the thing we’re most afraid, or that thing that stands in our way becomes the way! It is the path we need to go down because in tackling it, we build resourcefulness, resilience and discipline of action. I love it.
What I’m watching:
I’ve watched lots of TED talks this week, but I loved this one. Funny, practical and helpful: “10 Ways to Have a Better Conversation”. Well worth a watch.
