Eighteen months ago I did some pretty crazy stuff. I stopped watching the news and then TV in general, I cut my wages, I sold one company and downsized another and I took on £70k in debt – the price of my freedom. Why? To take back control of my life and start again. Only this time, something was different. I was awake. Wide awake.
I remember the exact moment I woke up. I was sat in the bathroom (waiting for the bath to fill) reading a little blue book. Thin, paperback, life-changing. It was Eckhart Tolle’s ‘The Power of Now’.
Through this book, Tolle showed me that we have two voices: the voice of the ego mind that taunts us, plays with us, tempts us and the voice of the higher self that acts out of love and faith. If you’ve never heard this idea before, consider this: in a stressful situation our first reaction is to act of out fear. “I’ll fail”. “That won’t work”. “That’s not fair”. Then, if we have a level of consciousness about us, we’ll ‘speak over’ that fear voice and tell ourselves to ‘calm down’ and instead act in faith that things will go well. This is an over simplification but that’s the gist of it.
In my early business days, I was lost in ego mind – ‘playing the game’; I believe that’s what it’s called isn’ it? At some point in our lives, we all ‘play the game’. We hide how we really feel for a greater play. We go along with something to curry favour. That’s how you get to the top: you learn the rules, you get in with the right people and you play your part – it’s easy, playing along.
This never felt right to me. It’s easy because everyone is doing it and it’s rewarded (!) but it doesn’t feel right. Do you know what I mean?
Instead, I took a different route. I asked myself what I really believed in and I stood for it.
This can happen in many ways. Holding fast on your position when you’re being pressured to concede. Voicing your true opinion when it’s at odds with the establishment. Risking your security and stepping into the unknown when you’re shaking in your boots. Launching a movement, unsure if anyone will join you. Speaking out against sexist remarks when you’re the only woman at the table. Handing in your notice when your values clash with the ‘company values’. Speaking up against a bully when you’re not the one being bullied. Giving up meat when people laugh at you. Ignoring hateful emails because there is no value in replying. Forgiving someone who has betrayed you.
That stuff is hard to do. It’s damn hard and do you know what’s so f**king great about it being hard? It requires growth. Emotional, physical, mental and spiritual growth. And I had a lot of growing to do…
I landed myself in £70k worth of debt because that’s how much I had to learn about money. The result? Experience, knowledge and gratitude.
I gave up my businesses, my home, my relationships because that’s how much I had to learn about who I was. The result? Integrity, truth, connection.
I faced my demons. Depression. Addiction. Fear. And I did it all in 12 months. The result? Resolve, personal power and strength.
I launched a movement and funded it for over a year before I made a penny. The result? Faith, community, purpose.
Well, every story should a happy ending. Right now I live in Manchester with my partner Alice, a fellow light worker. We’ve spent a year decluttering, cutting and creating. I’ve launched my dream business and Alice has launched hers. We’re making money doing what we love. I’ve started my book and launched Cohort 2 of my first ever online course. Alice has built a coaching business and started building her dream business in wellness, nutrition and spirituality. I’ve gotten over depression and Alice has gotten over her fear of public speaking.
That’s the stuff I can tell my dad, to reassure him that we’re not that crazy after all. We’re “making it”.
But what we’ve achieved is so much more profound than that.
In tackling debt, I’ve learnt to value money.
In getting over depression, I’ve learnt to manage my state.
In starting a movement, I’ve learnt how to connect.
In losing weight, I’ve learnt to love myself.
It’s not what I’ve achieved that matters. No. Take it all off me and I’ll get it all back, and more. And this is why: it’s who I’ve become that matters.
I am a strong, confident independent woman. I am safe, loved, wealthy and resourceful. Whatever I put my mind to I can have, achieve and become. I have the infinite power of the Universe behind me and I call upon it every day to help me achieve my goals. What I am seeking is seeking me and each day I overcome the obstacles I face and I take the steps I need to take to achieve success. This is my year. This is my week. This is my day. I will succeed. I am succeeding. I am love. I am a light worker. I am compelled by purpose to change the world.**
Who are you? Who do you want to become? What are you capable of? What challenges are you facing and how will you grow through them?
The obstacles in front of you are a gift. They’re the lessons you need to learn and they’ll keep showing up in different ways until you learn the lesson. Until you change. Until you grow.
Ask yourself those questions and take a moment to imagine where you could be 12 months from today if you decided to give up a year of short term pleasure for a life of long term meaning. If you gave up the game – your ego – and went pursuit of a higher calling – a destiny.
After all, it’s not ‘what’ you’ll get on the journey that matters, but who you’ll become.
Word of warning…there is a price. You’ll have give up something or let down your shield or take a stance…or all three! You’ll have to risk the judgement of the people you know to create a platform for the people you haven’t even met. It’s different for all of us and you’ll know, right now reading this, what you have to do.
Are you willing to do the work?
**This is my personal affirmation